Every day is new. It’s just a new day. I look at six hours at a time.
Wiz Khalifa
Where should I begin?
This past Sunday, around 9.43 pm, I was going on a walk with my 16-year old son. Just a mile around the neighborhood. We’ve never experienced any racism of significance together, but I found myself making him wear my fluorescent orange hoodie. One, so I could see him if he decided to run ahead. Two, so he was visible when we crossed streets at night. Three, it was the most non-threatening thing I own. This is where we are today, and I want to be part of the change coming.
People in this world believe the world is fair and good. For some of us it is, for others not so much. I wish you could simply take two words out of this quote, “an innocent black man was killed by a bad white cop” and racism would be gone. Earlier this week, I posted the “Taking Care of Home” on LinkedIn and one of the replies eluded to the same thing. Essentially that if I took two words out from my statement of, “I am a black man and my partner is a white woman.” While I understand the pure intent behind removing color from those statements, the reality is that on any given day or any given night my sons and I could get rolled up on because we are perceived as dangerous regardless of how innocent we are. In today’s world, we are seen as guilty and must prove our innocence.
My oldest son went away to college last fall. As I told you, I don’t think I have trained my children well enough. So, I tried to be okay with his departure. It took me a while. My partner freaked out a bit too because the town he was going to was not the safest and he was driving what could be labeled a hooptie. She let him drive her Civic and told him he should get a job at the police department so he would get profiled. It was not a strategy I would have ever thought of because it goes counter to my instincts.
Man, I so wish it was as simple as not referencing color so I would not be seen as intimidating. I wish we, as a society, were at a place where my ability to speak well was not a surprise. I wish that when I walked into a room people didn’t automatically assume, I played basketball. I wish that when people find out I was a Studio Art Major; it wasn’t because I played basketball. I wish my mind was celebrated at work like those of my white counterparts. I wish I was not always viewed as a threat and sidelined.
But that is not where we are. We, suddenly, find ourselves in a place where my beautiful fiancée and I wonder if we are safe. This worry, when it comes to traveling, hadn’t hit my consciousness until she asked me if I was okay going away for Father’s Day. She even called the hotel to see how safe it was. We aren’t living down south where folks are fighting to save the history of the deeply hurtful reminders of oppression, dehumanization, and brutality of slavery. We were only traveling to another city two hours away… in California.
A while back I wrote, “Is it harder to be 6’8” or Black?” in which I briefly mentioned my experience in a leadership class where I was told minority leaders should seek to assimilate and not be intimidating to others.
My question was answered by someone who told me to go talk to this “other black guy” who seemed to have it figured out. People like him, I was told. I chuckled at the thought.
The next day, I called the “other black guy,” the one who everyone likes. He started laughing when I told him why I was calling and said, “Lou … You have me by five inches! I don’t know.”
We chatted some more and continue to this day to have some great conversations. Of course, that isn’t the point I’m trying to make.
When I was recently asked about my previous post, I was confused when I found out the point of that particular “leadership” class was to make us (a class of 16 minorities) understand others are intimidated by us. As if we didn’t already know? Really??
Something is broken. Why in America today do I need to be reminded that I intimidate people. What can we do about it? Why are people intimidated by us?
The solution isn’t telling me to go talk to another black man to find the answers.
I am tired of walking in a room and seeing people react with genuine surprise that I am well-spoken. I am tired of feeling when I speak to confidently, I am intimidating or threatening to others. What can I do about it? What can you do about it?
As I continue to reckon the state of the world, I wonder how can we effect the changes needed? Can it only come by protests and violence? Or can it come by diving headfirst into the history of race relations and really listening to each other? What is the most effective pathway to positive change?
Right now, I am disappointed that in 2020 we have not advanced to a place of basic respect for black humanity. Yet here we are. I don’t want to be afraid for my children or my fiancée anymore. I want the changes coming to bring real solutions and authentic equality. Don’t you?
